//so I lost my marbles…//

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Definitely had my Tootles moment… (image from imgur)

I’ve always seen characters in movies and on tv shows have that magical breakdown moment where they just LOSE IT on someone. They reach their limit. They get pushed to the edge (much like Curtis, the husky, bacon loving child from Wife Swap all those years ago). The character just lets all the words fly. They let out all their pent up thoughts and anger and frustration on whoever is the lucky recipient. And I had one of those moments. On Friday. In my office. With my co-supervisor present. IN FRONT OF MY BOSS.

I wish I could say that it was an eloquent speech, one that I’d thought through and practiced to make sure I didn’t lose my “edge” (HAH. I have no edge. If you know me at all, the only edge I have comes out when I’m advocating for children and teens who have no one). I wish I could say I didn’t cry or almost slam my head on my desk because I was so tired my arm couldn’t hold my head up. The truth is…I lost my marbles and it’s because while I’ve been so focused on taking care of everyone else, I’ve forgotten to take care of myself. Let me preface this post-I work for a great nonprofit. I love my job. My cosupervisor is a gift from Jesus. My immediate boss has been on maternity leave for three months and before she left, we had worked so hard to help me keep boundaries to save my time and to also be able to serve my team the best way I knew how. When she left… that all changed… and I’ve been struggling ever since.

Last week, I walked into work on Monday and was feeling pretty good. I felt okay. My head felt clear, I woke up early enough to actually thoughtfully consider what to wear. I put makeup on while standing in my bathroom instead of using my rearview mirror on the way to work. I had matching shoes. I FIXED MY HAIR WITHOUT THE USE OF LAYERS OF DRY SHAMPOO AND HAIRSPRAY. For once, I felt like I had it together enough that the facade wouldn’t be completely false. I don’t like having to keep up appearances, especially the ones that I feel like I’m only keeping up with because of the people who placed those “appearances” on me. So, last Monday, I kind of felt like I had made it through the hardest part of my summer, I was one week away to my normal coming back! And I hadn’t had a total meltdown since one of my staff members told me I was the reason they hated their job in June… or in July when the other staff member told me I never taught them anything about the job and I was the worst. I hadn’t had a personal screaming fit in my car during the middle of a work day in what felt like ages (don’t kid yourself. It was maybe a month ago the last time I had to run out to my car). I was so close… and then I got that email. At one point in my day, I had to turn off my computer and just fill in my planner. After Monday, I came home and crashed. Same thing happened Tuesday. Wednesday was a long day, followed by Thursday. And by Friday and reading several emails and me feeling like a complete failure at my job, the limit was met. I had nothing left. So when my boss came in our office to ask me and my cosupervisor about something completely unrelated, I was already defensive. As she started to ask us questions, I was answering and keeping my eyes down and feeling the huge tears form behind my eyes. When my boss asked me why I was being defensive, my first response was “yeah I’m defensive. I don’t feel like I can do anything right…and I’m tired and I have nothing left.”

I don’t write this as a “woe is me” piece of literature. I write it as a warning… a warning that if all you do is serve other people and you never allow yourself to be poured into, you will lose your marbles. I love people. I love the fact my parents raised me and my sisters with this amazing love for others. I don’t remember a time when we weren’t out in the community giving meals to those who didn’t have anything. I don’t remember a time when we weren’t driving through downtown and my dad rolling down the window to give money to a homeless person, or my mom taking us to the Goodwill to donate our personal things to kids who didn’t have anything. That is an amazing thing to have your life built on and it’s something I want to continue to build my life on. What I have realized so far on my “vacation” time is that I can’t continue you running myself in the ground. I can’t keep acting like I have it all together when I really don’t. I can’t keep Jesus at arms length and operate out of what I think “works”. Jesus isn’t meant to be a spectator in your life; he’s supposed to be right there with you.

All this to say, I know I’m not the only one who loses their marbles. Don’t feel like you’re the only one who doesn’t have it all together. Don’t feel like you have to have it all together. If you lose your marbles one day, there’s always another day for you to try and pick them up. It’s okay to aspire to serve anyone and everyone. It’s okay to be an overachiever. It’s okay to aspire to win everyday. And its definitely okay to ask for help. Asking for help is the best thing that could ever happen to you. I think the best lesson I’ve learned so far, is that Jesus wants to teach me how to rest in him and how to really take care of myself. Man, Jesus just gets it. And that’s a good thing, because I definitely don’t get it. Well, I kind of get it. Just when I think I do get it, I very quickly realize I have so much more to learn.

“Then Jesus said, ‘Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light’…” 

Matthew 11:28-30

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//i’m back//

Once upon time, there was a girl. She was a pretty girl who was busy and never remembered any passwords and then when she did remember her passwords, she would land in “locked out of your profile” jail. After many months of attempts and many scribbled out notes on notebook paper, receipts, and scrap paper in her planner… SHE RETURNED…

It’s been a while friends, and I’m so thrilled to finally be at a place where I’m not so scared to share my thoughts and musings with you. My last post was one that faced lots and lots of backlash. I was called stupid, liberal, a joke, umm… let’s see… many names that were not appropriate for the everyday human being. I had people texting me and calling me asking me what the hell was I thinking, supporting a “man who looked like a thug” and a “drug addict”. I let a lot of the comments shut that gift of writing down for awhile. Every time I went to write something, I would write it out and when I move my mouse to hit “publish”, knots would form in my stomach. I would feel my heartbeat speed up. My neck and chest would start to itch because hives were beginning to make their way to my face. My ears would turn bring red and hot. And I wouldn’t do it. I would let the fear of what others thought about me stop me from sharing. Not saying I’m all knowing or know anything worth sharing with the world, but it sucked. ABSOLUTELY SUCKED not being able to just write and not care what others thought about it. It’s been months since I’ve written anything. I forgot my password for awhile and almost threw my computer so many times. Then my computer actually crashed and stumped all the Apple geniuses in Tulsa that they had to send it away. When I got it back, I was like “Lord, if my passwords are still in there somewhere, maybe my WordPress password is too. If it’s there, I’ll write. I won’t care what people think. I’m 31 freaking years old and since when do I really need someone’s approval to share what you’ve gracefully placed in my heart?” And lo and behold… I go to log in and there it was. Not saying it’s something magical or anything, but to me, it made sense. God cares about the little things. This was what I call a “little big thing”–Not so big that it’s a HUGE EVENT, and not so small that it’s to be ignored. It’s just the right size where you can’t ignore it. When I pray about the little big things, I know God answers. Because he cares. I actually prayed for my computer. I laid hands on it and cried in bedroom because let’s be honest. I work in mental health and make decent money. But this month… YIKES. Too much was happening. I felt like I owed money left and right. I had nothing extra to spare. When I took my computer to Apple, the genius looked at me and said “it’s a great thing that you came in because your Apple care ends in two days”. That’s Jesus, Y’all. My repairs on my mysterious computer dying situation would’ve cost me $500. I walked out and was like “Jesus… thanks. I love you. Thank you for saving me that money… I don’t know how much money I’ll have at the end of the month, but it’s always more than enough”. That’s enough for me to trust him always…

A lot has happened from the last time I wrote. Here’s a little list…

  1. I got promoted at work. I am now a clinical supervisor in Tulsa.
  2. Oh, I moved. I’m no longer in OKC. I miss it so much, but love being back near my parents and sisters.
  3. I’ve traveled. I’ve been back and forth between Tulsa and Memphis for work, went to NYC for Christmas with my family, planning on going to Dallas in a couple weeks with some wonderful gal pals and plan on taking more vacation days in the coming weeks to recover from…
  4. My boss went on maternity leave and I’ve nearly died several times this summer from exhaustion. Yep. I feel like I know what Mario feels like in Super Mario cart. You know when the little car slips on a banana peel and he loses a life? And then he drives a little further down and gets a life back? That’s my life. I feel like some days I do so well have those extra lives stocked up and then there are those days where I’m slipping on every freaking banana peel and trying not to lose all my marbles. I love my boss because she took time to help me get some boundaries set and then helped me work through the “you do too much for people” syndrome I suffer from. She left for maternity leave and within two days, all that hard work was shot to hell. I’ve spent more hours in the office this summer, gone on no vacations, taken no days off (because I was told I could not if everyone else was), and done more work to make sure my team was taken care of. It’s not bad, but it’s also not great. Self care should be a higher priority for me… especially if I preach it to my team that they should take care of themselves.
  5. I’ve had my heartbroken. I won’t write about it all here right now in this post, but there is a deep post coming and it will probably be one of those soul bearing posts that will hopefully bring encouragement to you that not all who take chances are hopeless. It would’ve been great for this situation to have worked out, but it didn’t and I trusted this guy and because I did, I learned more about my discernment. I learned that my discernment is spot on always and when that first warning comes, I should follow it whole heartedly.
  6. I’ve had a birthday. I’m 31 now and it’s weird. 30 was amazing. I loved everything about being 30. I felt like I entered the best years of my life. As those last weeks of being 30 turned to days, I got kinda sad. I got to my golden birthday and around midnight, I looked up “golden birthday”. Golden birthdays are considered lucky. They are unique and once in a lifetime. (duh, that’s obvious…). I started to dig a bit deeper because I wasn’t satisfied by that. I looked up 31… the meaning of 31. Apparently, when you turn 31, you experience you’re billionth second of life. 31 is considered the year of negotiation, the year of dictating where my attention goes, and the year where I decide that I will not let my thirties pass me by (I added that last sentence). I looked at so many different blogs from girls who turned 31 within this year and they all said the same thing… 31 was the year where they decided to be fearless. Another girl said “31 was the year I knew I was going to put myself in a position to learn from others. It’s the year I decide from the beginning that I will not fight others thoughts and opinions. I will listen and converse and share what I know with others”. Another… “31 is the year of grace for me. I will gracefully allow myself the ability to not be perfect, to not fear, to not act rushed or hurried. I will allow myself space”. And probably the one I needed to see the most–“This is the year I will not make decisions based on my anxiety or fear of what if”. I’ve had a lot of “what if” moments in my life and to be honest, I’ve allowed those what ifs to take over. I let it take over my ability to write here! When the clock struck midnight and it was my birthday–I asked the Lord to give me a uniquely graced year. And so far… He has not disappointed me. This year… 2017… is going to be one for the books!
  7. I’m singing again. Not that I ever quit, but I stopped for awhile because I couldn’t continue to have my heart in two places-Antioch OKC and Guts Church in Tulsa. I made the choice to get planted here in Tulsa. I went to Next Steps at Guts and had an audition with the worship team a week later. I’m so glad I did. The team has quickly become a safe haven of people for me. They are encouragers and dreamers and so fun. To serve with this team is just… it’s beyond what I could’ve asked for. I’ve been apart of lots of teams, but this one at Guts is UNREAL. So thankful for them.
  8. I’m trying to date. KEYWORD is trying. Dating ain’t easy y’all. It’s actually the pits when all the guys want to know is if you’ll sleep with them. I feel like Ryan Gosling’s character in Crazy, Stupid, Love after I read some of these dumb messages. You know the part where he takes Steve Carrell shopping and he asks him where he got his “dad jeans” and Steve says “Oh, I don’t know. The Gap?” and Ryan looks at him in disbelief and says “Be better than the Gap”. I read some of these idiots messages and I’m like “BE BETTER THAN BUMBLE, LINDS. BE BETTER THAN THAT SH*TSHOW TINDER. BE BETTER THAN <INSERT DATING APP HERE>!” Oh, don’t worry. I’ll share the details here. 🙂
  9. I joined a gym. I did. I went through the brief first training and had this very nice guy tell me how out of shape I was and that I have such a long way to go to get to my goals. I’m not going to lie. I left defeated. I’m a curvy girl and I like how I look. I want to be healthy, YES, but I will not do what I did before… I will not starve myself. I will not overexert myself to be apart of the cool crowd. I will not beat myself down for needing more sleep and eating a bowl of ice cream. I will not compete with my sisters because what use is that? I will go to yoga. I will go try a class or two and probably run into people I know and you know what?! I’ll be nice and laugh and feel like a moron with them! Because that’s what you do at the gym. Try new things and risk looking cool to challenge yourself, right?!
  10. I wouldn’t be me without my family. I have had more moments of insanity and blubbering with my parents. I’ve cried more because the kids I’m working with wear on me. Their stories break me in more ways than one. I have felt completely depleted and there is my mom. Ready to let me just let out. There’s my dad… the first one to always hug me and then cry over me saying how proud of me he is. There’s my sister Jess, with a quick witted text finishing off with “no one else can do what you do, Linds… No one better…” There’s my sister Hailey with a prayer or something silly to make sure I’m alive and laughing. These four I am so lucky to call family keep me going… I seriously would not be the person I am without them.

So, as I’ve said before… I’m back. I have lots of stories to tell and maybe I’ll finally publish some of the posts that have been archived for ages while I was too scared to write anything. Here’s to doing things scared. 🙂

// b r o k e n //

“Do not judge and criticize and condemn [others unfairly with an attitude of self-righteous superiority as though assuming the office of a judge], so that you will not be judged [unfairly]. FOR JUST AS YOU [HYPOCRITICALLY] JUDGE OTHERS [WHEN YOU ARE SINFUL AND UNREPENTANT], SO WILL YOU BE JUDGED; and in accordance with YOUR STANDARD of measure, judgment will be measured to you. WHY DO YOU LOOK AT THE [INSIGNIFICANT] SPECK that is in your brother’s eye, but DO NOT NOTICE AND ACKNOWLEDGE THE [EGREGIOUS] LOG that is in your own eye?…

YOU HYPOCRITE [play-actor, pretender], first-get the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to the speck out of your brother’s eye.” ~Matthew 7: 1-3; 5

I need to apologize to my friends and family. I have been a person sitting on the sidelines while injustice has happened all over my Facebook timeline. I have gently waited for someone else to say something so I wouldn’t have to. I have liked and loved all my friends statuses showing support for others. And yet, I haven’t been daring enough to say anything. I haven’t joined the conversation because I was worried what people would think if I did say something. What if they disagreed with me? What if someone sees me as “Lindsay the white, privileged girl who’s just trying to say her piece”? What if… 

I’m tired of the what ifs keeping me from sharing my thoughts on the tragedies that are covering our social media feeds and televisions. By me not saying something, I’m joining the ranks of those saying this behavior from our police departments is fine, that brutality is “just part of the job”. I can’t stay quiet any longer.

Yesterday, my younger sister was the one who brought the tragedy of Terence Crutcher to my eyes. I had no idea what happened in my hometown of Tulsa, Oklahoma. I waited for the release of the video footage. And then I saw it. I watched it. And then I watched it again. And then again. I laid on my bed and wept. What I saw was a human being, with his hands in the air, walking back to his vehicle with the hazards on. I heard the pilots of the helicopter say “he looks like a bad man” and “he’s going to get tasered”. And then I see that human being hit the pavement, his shirt smeared with his own blood. What I expected to see next were the police officers going to his side and checking for signs of life. Instead, I saw 4 to 5 police officers huddled together, while 6 feet away, a man lay dead. Oh, and in the midst of the images on my screen, I hear the pilots say “Oh, did anyone clear his car?” This whole situation has escalated on my Facebook feed and various social media accounts. The comments for the most part reflect my own… “This has to stop”, “This is wrong. He had his hands in the air…”, “Why are we grabbing for the gun instead of responding calmly?”, and my most asked question, “He’s a human being… why was he not treated as such?” Then, in between the people who are asking the same things I am, are the ignorant. That’s right, I said it. There are those who jump in and offer their “shady condolences” and commentary saying “Well, he had a record. He was known for not following what cops asked. He was probably on something. So, really, there’s nothing wrong. The cops did their jobs”. This is where my heart breaks even more and my anger rises up.

Since when does someone’s past dictate the care we offer them? Since when does someone’s background merit an egregious reaction? Why is a man being shot at point blank range suddenly appropriate when, if it were a white man, our world would be outraged? I’m tired of sitting silently when people, OUR PEOPLE, are dying deaths they do not deserve. I say “our people” because you live in a community of all different people around you… that means you belong to that community…and that means, the people around you are your people, NO MATTER THEIR RACE OR RELIGION, THEY’RE YOUR PEOPLE. My hometown is hurting and that means, I am hurting with them. I work in social service. I work with kids who have records much like Terence Crutcher did. And you know what? I don’t care. I don’t care that they’re black or white or indian. I don’t care that these kids I work with come to me carrying some real baggage. Why? Because it is my duty and honor to serve and protect these kids. When I signed my contract, I didn’t sign it with the condition that the kids I serve have pristine and squeaky clean backgrounds and that they’re white. When I signed my contract, my eyes watered. This was the job I prayed for. These are the kids and the population I have prayed over for years, and now, I get to come alongside them and help them. I have the responsibility of providing them the best care EVEN IF they don’t deserve it. So, when people mention a man’s past and how his death is a justified action, I cringe. How would you feel about being judged? How would you feel about people knowing your stuff and calling the action toward you justice? I don’t believe for a minute that any of us would want our deepest, darkest judgments publicized for others to see. When you’re judging others and doing so so harshly, think of Jesus, when he was with the people and the disciples, teaching them the beatitudes and talking about how to pray and then, yes, Jesus goes there… He instructs his people, ALL OF HIS PEOPLE, not to judge others because the measure they judge others, is the exact measure of judgment they will get. <insert cringeworthy face here>.

I’m broken, friends. I have been called “an idiot white girl“, a “wagon rider who doesn’t do her research before speaking” and my personal favorite, “a privileged white, educated woman who came down from her ivory tower to bless the common folk with her knowledge”. I was so paranoid after seeing those comments hurled my way, that I reached out to one of my closest friends, Matthias. I knew if I was ignorant or if I was missing something, he would tell me. I started a conversation I’ve always wanted to have with a friend of mine whom I admire so much. I told him to tell me where I’m missing the mark. And instead, I was met with appreciation for asking the question of how to speak up and encouraged to point the conversation back to Jesus. My friend Cicely texted me later and asked if I had an opinion on police brutality and you better believe I do. I was having conversations with change makers and all I had to do, was ask the question and open that door. If we truly want to see change happen, we have to be willing to check ourselves, check that the planks in our eyes are gone so we can truly help those around us with the small specks in their own.

To the family of Terence Crutcher, I am so sorry. I am sorry that you lost a pillar in your family. I am weeping with you, praying that the God of all peace surrounds and comforts you. I’m praying that you feel His peace and that you know He is weeping with you, mourning with you and covering you with His love. That’s the wonderful thing about our Jesus… He is everything we need. I’m also praying that the Crutcher Family’s example of asking for peace amidst this situation resonates with my hometown and all the communities in Oklahoma and the United States. Now is not the time to act in strife, but it is the time to rally together, support one another and peacefully protest the behavior of another black life taken at the hands of police. I am with you, and I will be part of the solution, no longer sitting on the sidelines.

#TerenceCrutcher
#Justice4Crutch
#BlackLivesMatter

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//give it up//

I love music.

I have it on everywhere I go. It’s on my phone. It’s on my computer. It’s on my freaking TV. It’s on in my car. It’s always on.

Have you ever had a moment where you just need something different? Funny how we find ourselves in that place every once in awhile. I found myself there last week. I was bored when I got in the car. My first thought was “Oh, I’ll just change what’s playing”. When I did, I was met with  the same boring feeling. I changed the station. I listened to sports. I listened to NPR and then quickly got depressed because the News can be depressing. I was struggling. Funny again how I didn’t automatically think “maybe I could just be alone with Jesus in my car….like I used to”.

If you know anything about my job, you know it requires a lot of driving. I drive to my kid’s house and sit and assess and work on our session for an hour and then hit that miserable part of the day where NO ONE IN OKC KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE…yes, traffic time. The farthest I drive out is to Midwest City and Norman. Not far. And usually at the times I’m going, I don’t hit any traffic *knock on wood*. Point being, I’m in my car a lot and usually singing my heart out and not always to Jesus music.

I woke up on Sunday and was so excited. Antioch OKC (my church, WHAT WHAT!) moved it’s service to Sunday morning and I was TIRED. I was happy, and excited, but man, I was tired. And I was also dreading the 7 minute drive to church. When I got to church, it was awesome. Worship was amazing. And then the message. Blake said so many things that hit me right between the eyes.

Where is your focus going? What’s on your phone, taking your focus away from what you could be doing? Are you bored with “church”? How’s your foundation? WE HAVE GOT TO GET BACK TO THE BASICS…WHERE OUR FOUNDATION IS SOUND AND FOCUS IS ON JESUS AND BEING WITH JESUS AND LETTING HIM CHANGE US…

I sat back and thought about it. I love sports (obviously), but I’m not freaking out about the Pennant or the NFL or even the NBA right now. College football gets my Saturday, sure, but it’s not something I wake up wondering about. My social media habits have dramatically changed. When I wasn’t working and was waiting on a job, I was glued to my computer. I had to know what was going on with other people who had lives while mine seemingly was stalled. I post stuff and love keeping my friends and family apprised of my life in OKC, but it’s not something I get life from. But music… 

My heart sank.

“You’re gonna ask me that aren’t You? You’re going to ask me, THIS WEEK OF ALL WEEK’S WHERE I’M DRIVING TO STROUD, OKLAHOMA, to give up music…”

“Just come back, Linds… I have something I want to do in you and you can’t be distracted… Give me 10 days…”

“But God, why does it have to be something I love so much…”

“Because you’re finding yourself in other’s songs and words rather than Mine…”

And I was done.

Like I said, I am a lover of music. It can’t be silent in my apartment. Even now as I write this, I have no music on…and it’s strange, y’all. What I realized in that moment when Blake was challenging us as a church to do was not to give everything up and be a weirdo Christian with all these rules and regulations. He was challenging us to get back to that place where it didn’t matter what show was on TV, it didn’t matter who was playing the game, it didn’t matter what new song was on the radio… all that mattered was spending time with Jesus. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never told a friend “sorry, I can’t have coffee with you. That’s my time with the Lord”. No! I am the first to admit I will freaking drop Jesus time to be with my gal pals. And I’ve realized I’ve probably placed a higher importance on my favorite music rather than spending time with the One who created that gift and gave me my voice.

So I did it. I made a decision. The next 10 days I will be listening to podcasts and sermons rather than my usual go to of secular music. I’m 3 days in and it’s a game changer. I’ve heard outstanding messages from some of my favorite pastors and teachers on confidence, boldness, and the one thing I’ve never quite wrapped my head around…FAITH. I come off like I’m the most confident and faith filled person, but that’s not me. I have no reason to doubt Jesus and his faithfulness to me, because he’s done so much, but for whatever reason, some things haven’t happened yet and I’ve basically given up on those things. But I believe getting back to the basics of simply believing like a child that God is there and is never leaving me is exactly what I need. Yes, I’m worshipping. Yes, I’m still singing in my car, but the difference is the atmosphere I’m creating again. I’m creating the exact atmosphere I believe my miracles came in. The miracles I’ve experienced came when I was worshipping. Not when I was doubting and comparing myself to others. They came when my heart was abandon to the cause and call of Jesus.

Some of y’all will probably be like “She’s nuts” and that’s ok. I’m not trying to tell everyone to look at me and all that I’m doing for the Lord. I say it because all of us have something that is clouding our view from what Jesus has for us.

So whatever it is, maybe it’s time for a change in your routine… who knows, it could be just the thing you need for a breakthrough.

//its the most wonderful time of the year…//

annnnnnnnnnd I’m not talking Christmas…although, let’s be real, Christmas is awesome.

I’m talking about… FOOTBALL.

the greatest man I know... Joe Davis

the greatest man I know… Joe Davis

I love the smell of the air during football season. It’s like the smell of school supplies. You can’t completely tell someone what it smells like, but you know it’s brand new pencils, notebook paper, and Elmer’s glue and Cheetos all rolled into one. (that sounds awful, but amazing all at once… RIGHT?!). I wish I could say I love football season because of the team and what not. My love for football goes so much deeper than that.

ONES UP

ONES UP

Someone of you know why football season means so much. But for those of you who do not, allow me to tell you. In early 1970s, a guy named Steve Davis was asked if he’d like to be the 8th Quarterback recruit at the University of Oklahoma. For years, he had admired some of the best QBs OU had ever seen and wanted so badly to be where they were… on the field of the iconic Palace on the Prairie in Norman, OK. He would work through frustration after frustration, disappointment after disappointment to then land red-shirted. He worked hard, and wouldn’t you know it, he became the all-time winningest quarterback OU had seen leading the Crimson and Cream to 2 national championships and numerous records. That man was my uncle. My Uncle Steve made a name for himself at OU and his brothers followed him, doing the same. The Davis name isn’t just a name… It’s a recognizable family. I remember the first time I realized my Uncle Steve wasn’t just my uncle… I was young…maybe 5 or 6, and we were watching a game on ABC. The next thing I know, there he was… pearly whites and perfectly coiffed hair on my TV screen! No one believed me when I said my uncle was on TV. I remember being in middle school and hearing “Joe Davis?? Is that you?” and having one of the Owens brothers strike up a conversation. Knowing Joe Washington and how he knew my dad and my uncles Steve and George… These are Sooner legends and it’s unreal I know these awesome men now.

My family, specifically my father, raised me with this love of all things OU. My dad is one of the most passionate people I know. He gets it. He loves life. He loves the high moments. He celebrates everyone. He also celebrates family so well. Everything I know about OU football is because of my dad.

from the beginning...

from the beginning…

I feel as though Gaylord Memorial Stadium  is where I learned a lot. Dad and Mom usually pulling us in close so we didn’t get lost. Dad leaning down to let me know what play just happened and why it’s called a play action instead of just a throw. Dad would let me stand in front of him on the  bleacher and every time OU hit a down or scored or intercepted the ball, he would freak out! And that inevitably meant, his girls followed. That tradition of OU football has carried over into my adulthood. I live for the fall. I live for the moments where my family comes together to watch OU games. It means more now because I live away from my parents and sisters. Coming together over our mutual love of the game is fantastic. We get dressed up in our best game day wear. We ride together. We laugh until we cry listening to the same stories we’ve grown up listening to. We stand in line together waiting to get into the stadium. And then once we’re at the seats… all bets are off. We are crying babies during the OU Chant. We scream and get into conversations with the people around us. We live for game days…

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So, yes, I spent a whole post talking about how much I love OU football and fall. I love family and I love sharing these experiences with people I love and appreciate. I love family and I know the main reason behind this post is the fact we’re approaching the best time of year and I’m feeling emotions because I’m away from my dad, my numero uno football watching partner and also, my uncle is gone. I’m a girl who gets all sentimental when I hear OU Chant. I’m the girl who smells cinnamon sugar and turkey legs and is instantly at the Cotton Bowl during the Texas State Fair, anticipating the OU/Texas game. I guess I’m saying, y’all should get ready. Because if you thought my posts about the NBA were excessive, it’s about to get even wilder… I’m an OU Alum and plan on posting my pride in my team just like last year…

So, get ready friends… Fall is upon us… and that means FOOTBALL.

Boomer Baby.

Linds




//an ode to my twenties…//

Today is the last day of my twenties. And here is how I feel about it…

it is. age is just a number...

it is. age is just a number…

I’ve heard for several years from women whom I admired that this day would be the worst day of my life. That I would hate it. That I would feel less like I was less of a person because I was no longer considered “young”. But here’s where I differ from these women…

I’M SO THRILLED FOR MY THIRTIES… Like…. Beyond the usual realm of excitement. I am so excited for a new decade. I remember turning 10 and what it meant. My parents took me to dinner and gave me cards and my dad talked to me about how special being in the double digits meant. Sure it sounds cheesy, but my dad shared about how I’m the oldest daughter and I have two sisters watching what I do. About how important decisions are and how as I get older, my relationship with Jesus will be the most important one because having the Lord’s guidance will make all the difference. I’m sure those women who were my friends didn’t mean to make 30 sound awful. Many of them were married and had kids by the time they were turning 30. Me? I’m single, working in a career I love and adore, and surrounded by the best people I could’ve ever imagined. I’m so happy about my thirties because I think it signifies something special. It means that up till this point, I’ve made some good decisions, great decisions but I’ve made some awful ones too. I’ve made split second decisions that have brought shame and pity and self-doubt. I’ve had to stare those thoughts in the face and let them know I’m not that person anymore. I’ve had to continually run back to Jesus over some of those decisions just because they hurt some people who were in my path. Twenties… I looked forward to you for ages because it meant I could drink, I could party with my friends, and I could live on my own with credit cards and school loans. But thirties… I’m so looking forward to you because there’s no need to test the limits of adulthood. I know what adulthood looks like and I know more than I did approaching my twenties. Going from 19 to 20 was stupid. I was so not ready for adulthood. I was not responsible enough to handle a bank account, spending money or drinking. But 29 to 30… I’m more than ready.

In my late twenties, I made more definitive decisions than ever. I went to grad school. I moved away. I was a graduate assistant in residence life at OU. I found a wonderful church. I have the best friends in the world. I have a church family I love and adore. I now have a job with an incredible company where I get to work with teenagers who are aging out of foster care. I love my life. Some of my favorite things are pictured below…

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This is my sister Jessica. She does still love the Jonas Brothers, but she also loves celebrating. I’ve always loved how my sisters and I are able to celebrate each other. Every little milestone, every relationship, every fun thing in between… There’s no one I would rather celebrate with than them…

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I love Snapchat. Because you get to do things like spit rainbows while being a unicorn… 🙂

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Again… Jess for the win. ((She’s going to kill me for posting this…))

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Hailey. She really does love me even though I take pics all the time… gotta commemorate everything.

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My dad’s best friend has been an adopted family member for as long as I can remember. Uncle Jerry has been there to celebrate the ups and downs with our family and Nicki has been right there with him for parts of it. Family is so important. I’ve learned that I can’t make it without my family… I love them…

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Oh Quentin, Sir Distinction. You waltzed into my life back in June of last year and that’s when times changed for me. You became a solid friend who called the greatness out of me when I couldn’t see or when I was down. You never denied me my right to feel however I felt, but you never let me stay there. We’ve laughed. We’ve cried. And we’ve celebrated. So thankful for you and Takeisa. Moral of the story: find solid friends who know who they are. If they say “show me your friends and I’ll show you your future”, then I’m really glad I have I Quentin and Takeisa.

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Rachel. We wear glasses. We dress the same more often than not. We laugh and cry every time we’re together… To think I met Rach when I was brand new to Norman and Antioch and was so nervous about this decision… Those decisions left because of a solid gal pal like Rach.

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Yep. Dyl. The little brother I never had. He’s the one who broke me into the life of the spontaneous. Like when he showed up at my house at midnight before Valentine’s Day and said “How do you feel about going to Orlando? I think we should go. Oh and I found tickets for $150. I say yes. You say yes. Good. We’re going.” Find friends who make you get out of your shell and do new things!

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I did it. I graduated. I worked hard for a year and a half and from the university I was told, while in high school, I would never get into. I got in, I worked my ass off, managed to keep a solid 3.89-4.0 GPA every semester and I graduated. If this was a test in life, I’m pretty sure I passed with flying colors. And you know what? I would do it all over again.

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I think what I’m trying to say is, no matter how old you are, never take yourself so seriously that you miss out on the great things in front of you. If I had focused on the dread of turning 30, I would be so sad and worried that I’m by myself in OKC for my birthday weekend. I could pity myself and turn this into something it’s not. Guess what? I’m a working adult, much like my sisters and parents. I’ll see them on Monday and you know who made that call? ME. I wanted to make time for myself on this adult birthday of mine. I wanted to be able to sit on my patio and think about the life I’ve lived up until this point and then look forward. I believe my best days are ahead of me. I know I’m going to get married. I know I’m going to have a slew of kids, both mine and adopted. I’m going to have a great house, the golden doodle, the nice car, ALL OF IT. I get to look ahead and dream. So, while my twenties were not my favorite, I know my thirties are going to be one for the ages.

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Goodbye, twenties. You were great while you lasted, but thirty… THIRTY, YOU LOOKIN GOOD.


//#lindstoOKC//

Hey everyone…

It’s July 4th and I haven’t written in months. Well, I have, but just haven’t posted anything. I feel as though I always begin like this. I always start with the intention that I’m going to keep up with the Kardashians and write my life story to you. And then I inevitably fail. So, I’ve decided that I’m not going to pressure myself into feeling or being anyone other than myself. I have a dedicated group of followers who, for whatever reason, think I’m worth following. That is unreal. I appreciate it so much.

Let’s play catch up.

  1. January-April was TERRIBLE. Absolutely terrible. Why? Because Grad School got real and I almost lost my everliving mind. Grad school is hard. It is, but it is so incredibly rewarding. I am so beyond thankful. I made it. I wrote the damn comprehensive exam. They lost my results, but I passed. And I made it to…
  2. Graduation! I graduated from the university I always wanted to go to. I not only graduated from there but I got into said university and nailed it in every way. I maintained a 4.0 4 of the 5 semesters I was there. I made friends. I attended football games and basketball games as a student. UNREAL experience. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.
  3. Unemployment. You know what people don’t tell you about Grad School? The job hunt is hard, if not harder after you graduate. I was told “you’ll find a job in now time!” Y’all lied. I started the job hunt in true Lindsay fashion–7 months before graduation. I had 2 (yes, ONLY 2) interviews and no 2nd round interviews. I applied for numerous jobs at OU…never heard anything. I approached the graduation deadline with nothing setup and on a whim applied for a company that had openings in Oklahoma and low and behold…
  4. Employment! When I finally came to grips with reality that I probably wasn’t going to get hired outside Oklahoma (I really wanted you Nashville), and just accepted it, the door flew wide open. I went from unemployed with a masters degree, living in my sister’s old bedroom (yeah, it’s still referred as her room even though she hasn’t lived there in almost 2 years) at my parents house to employed in OKC, at a company I feel I dreamed up. It’s unreal. Jesus is so good. SO GOOD.
  5. OKC. Oh. My. Goodness. OKC I’m back! I’ve come to love OKC in a real romantic way. It’s like I went from the comforts of Tulsa, to the comfort of Dad’s stomping grounds in Norman to the real deal of OKC. OKC is this up incoming city that is hidden in many ways. People know OKC because of, DUH, our NBA team (more on that in a second), but there’s something about OKC that stands out to me. I loved it when my sister lived here. Visiting Jess was always an adventure. We did yoga and pilates at a gym down the street from her house. We went to Bleu Garten when it was first starting up. We went to late night movies at the Bricktown theater. We ate ourselves sick at Fuzzy’s and adventured out with friends to different clubs in Bricktown. I can’t wait to keep growing up here in OKC. It’s unreal.
  6. The NBA. “But Linds, do you even know basketball?” Why thank you for asking. Yes, actually I do. I remember watching Karl Malone with the Utah Jazz and how he did a dunk and he ripped his hand up. I remember Michael Jordan running all over people and being the best player ever. I remember Shaq and Charles Barkley. My dad, the ultimate athlete, trained his daughters well. He didn’t have sons, so he watched sports with us. And I’m not mad about it. I’m so thankful. Why? It builds this sense of camaraderie in you. It makes you think you could join a team somewhere, athletic or not, and you could be a force to be reckoned with! I claimed OKC as my NBA when they first came to OKC after being in Seattle. But you didn’t hear much about them until 2010 when they made it to the finals. Then it just built up. There was that one guy Kevin, who was so good at building up his team and his love for home. That one dude Russ wasn’t so bad either. The Thunder became a household name in no time. Families would change their eating locations so they could watch the game and not miss a beat. I’m sure the DVR/Tivo sales went up in Oklahoma when people started taking notice. The last 2 years have been weird for me. I was in a different place, didn’t know a lot of people and I started picking different hobbies. I started crocheting like a 90-year-old grandma because it was easy and fun. I bought lots of coloring books and markers to be one of those cool hipsters who colored instead of sharing their emotions like a regular person. I focused genuine energy in learning about the NBA and College Football. I started interacting more with fans on Twitter. I wrote little things here and there about OKC Thunder and why I loved them. I got to know the players on the team I called my own. Now, today may be the 4th of July, but to Oklahomans, it’s our dark day. It’s the day we lost our boy KD to our ultimate enemy. He’s leaving us for sunny, smell of sea salt air and Ghirardelli Chocolate San Francisco. I’m personally devastated because I did all the research. I listened to all the podcasts. I saw all the numbers that pushed the weight in our favor. “He’s Kevin Durant. He won’t leave us. He loves us too much. He’d never do that to us and to the Warriors? No way…” Well, it’s done. My phone went off like crazy for a solid 15 minutes because it was getting blown up by notification after notification saying my personal nightmare. While I’m happy he’s doing what he feels is right for him, we’re all still here, numb from the sting of our favorite guy, who made us believe we could accomplish what everyone on ESPN said we couldn’t do, and his decision to go. The Thunder means a lot to me. They are my team. If I wasn’t at home, I brought my computer with me and pretended to be taking notes while I watch the game. I set my DVR. I called and conferenced with my dad about how we looked and how Billy Donovan was coaching the game. I went to games with my sister. I bought a pair of KDs and asked for Thunder gear for Christmas. I FREAKING LIVE IN THE CITY WHERE THESE GUYS LIVE AND PLAY. The Thunder means something. Oklahoma is full of dedicated people who, when they commit to something, they COMMIT and HOLD FAST. I’m one of those people. KD, I’ll miss you dude. I really will. You were my guy. I was #35 this entire time. But now, I feel like I got dumped by that idiot I dated in college who told me, AFTER A WEEKEND AWAY WITH HIS FAMILY, I wasn’t fun anymore and he wanted to break up. This stings. You’re not just leaving us, you’re going to the Warriors? I literally can’t with you, dude. I hope you enjoy SF and chasing a ring. But I’m rooting for the guys who now have a MASSIVE CHIP ON THEIR SHOULDER from missing the finals and blowing the 3-1 lead (partly your fault, by the way) and you leaving them. I’m sorry, I’m for the underdog. I’m all for OKC. I want us to get it all and hoist that trophy so high you can’t get the image out of your head. Let’s go OKC. Let’s go get us our moment.

So there’s that. I’m no expert in the game, but I’m a huge fan. I’ve accomplished a lot over the last several months and I’m so looking forward to all the new things that are coming up fast. Nothing better than new things. Oh, and OKC forever.

Linds