If you would’ve asked me this time last year what I would be doing with my life, my answer would’ve been simple and short: “This”… meaning what I was currently doing at the time. Working full time in ministry and pouring my life and blood into my work. Little did I know what the end of 2014 would hold. A LOT ACTUALLY.
No one can ever really prepare you for what’s to come. Sure they can offer you little quips and remarks about the future being bright and all that, but none of that seems to hold any merit until you’re actually in the thick of change. This my friends is life. It’s what life thrives on. Life is all about change and if you disagree that’s probably because you haven’t had much interaction with deep, faith building life change. Don’t worry. Your time is coming and when it does, you can come back to me and say “Linds, oh my Lord, you were right. This is unreal. It’s fast. It’s frantic and I don’t know what I’m doing.” It’s okay. Just breathe and take in these moments. Because chances are, you won’t get these again.
I’ve thought for what seems like ages about Grad School. The meaning of it, the worth and value and if it would make sense for me to do this. I’ve thought about moving away for years but never considered the timing. I’ve thought about starting over and what that would look like. Now that I have the chance to do it, it seems unreal. It doesn’t seem like this is my life. I feel like I’m living out my dream and that is the craziest feeling.
I’ve talked about dreams before on here. I know it seems like my dream changes from wanting to be Tinkerbell and fly out from Cinderella’s castle in Disney World to being an NBA wife to an OKC Thunder player to wanting to be a counselor. Just like life changes, I think dreams can change. I believe in lists. I believe in checking things off and accomplishing goals and dreams, but I also believe in adding to that list. I don’t ever want my “life list of dreams” to come to a stopping point. If it comes to a stopping point that means something is very wrong or I’m dead, one of the two. My dream at one point in time was to be in ministry full time. I lived that. I did it and still believe that’s part of the future, but for now…Check that off. Another time it was to travel and lead worship. Check that off too. Another time, it was to move to NYC and work for Jimmy Fallon. While that last one hasn’t happened, it doesn’t mean that it won’t or ever will. I think having lofty dreams and goals is fun because achieving said dreams and goals takes a lot of effort and a lot of help from people. Dreams can change…just like you and I change every day. Just a word of encouragement…if you stop changing, there’s probably something very wrong…or again, you may be dead. Either way, change is inevitable and you should embrace it while you can.
So, as I look to 2015, I’m excited. I’m extremely nervous because I’m doing something I’ve never done before. I was selected among a slew of people to join a Masters Program at an elite university. Who gets to do that?! ME?! I didn’t think that was possible! I have always wanted a house. I live in a little house in Norman, Oklahoma. WHAT?! I live about 20 minutes away from my sister. I can bring her dinner to her work. My youngest sister will be here in the fall… I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS MY LIFE. I went to a new church this morning with new friends and one of the things that struck me was when the pastor was talking about the adversity David was facing when he had been promised a life of fullness and God given promises. In Psalm 84, David has just been kicked out of his own country (geez, if this isn’t proof that people suck sometimes, I don’t know what is) and still he acknowledges God as the one with all the Hope, all the Good, all the Joy he would ever need. In the midst of the mess and chaos, he honors God. David could’ve held a grudge and moved away from God but in the moment of chaos and torment, he turns toward God and authentically cries out to Him. I don’t know about you, but I want that life. I want to have that moment where I can authentically cry out to God and honor Him when everything within me feels like giving up. I know for sure I have been promised a life beyond my imagination but that doesn’t mean it will come easy. I know one of my goals for 2015 is to worry less and pray more. If my eyes are truly on the King of Kings worry has no place. I’m taking back my year from hell and placing it at the feet of Jesus. This is a whole new chapter and I couldn’t be more ready. Here’s to you, 2015. New year, new chapter and a new Linds.