Lists. Calendars. Planners. iCal. iPhone. Whatever Yosemite is…
This week has been crazy. Well, let’s start with the weekend before. It was…great and unexpected. So here’s the list…because if you know me at all, you need to know my lists.
1. I’m ADD. Like high functioning ADD. I have the innate ability to swirl ideas around in my mind, then look you in the face, repeat what you were talking about and then explain what 15-20 things I’m thinking about in that moment. It also provides great entertainment to those around you when you tear up unexpectedly because you had a happy thought and then start crying when your anxiety hits and you become aware of how socially awkward this whole situation is. But the good thing is, I’ve grown. HA.
2. Netflix. You’d think with all the busy-ness of life I wouldn’t have time to sit and watch any TV. <enter NETFLIX>. I came home everyday this week and crashed on to my couch. If I didn’t go run or workout or have errands to run, I crashed and turned to my bff Netflix. (I’m quite the party gal if you haven’t noticed). I love being active and spending time with people, but there comes a point where I can’t function in front of others at a normal pace. I literally have to hide away for a bit and recoup. Right now, I’m watching Gilmore Girls…even though I own all the seasons on DVD, taking the need for me to leave my couch to switch out a DVD is priceless. So, thanks Netflix!
3. I ran 3.2 miles on Monday and felt dead for 2 days after. Guys. I’m not going to pretend to be a marathoner like my sister… I am for the Fun Run… the “I hope they throw paint on me while I’m wearing a ridiculous outfit” type. Or, WHAT ABOUT A RUN WHERE YOU CROSS THE FINISH LINE AND THEY REWARD YOU WITH PIZZA… OR CANDY?! Someone should invent that. I’d do it. Hey, if there’s a pizza or chocolate cake in front of me, I would so run after that. Make me run 5, 10, however many miles and I’d be all about that run.
4. Struggles. I normally don’t like this word. I hate admitting that I struggle with things. I do. It’s a terrible problem. My struggle as mentioned in the above comment, food. I love to eat. I love food. I love chocolate. I love ice cream. I also struggle with the same things most girls do. This week, I had a sleepless night that literally caused me to have a panic attack. It was like this insurmountable monster reared its ugly head and sat on my chest until I couldn’t stand it and cried out from fear. Most struggles are fine. You struggle putting the heavier weight on the bar at the gym. You change the pace on the treadmill. You grab too many paper bags stuffed full from Whole Foods and have to climb a flight of stairs with uncanny balance. But then there are big fears. “What am I doing with my life? Why did I say that? What if what I want isn’t going to happen? Oh my god, why did I write my personal statement like that? I should’ve said this… I’m so afraid of the dark right now and I’ve never been afraid of the dark. I’m so alone right now… do I call my mom? My sister is a nurse maybe she could talk me of the ledge THAT IS MY LIFE… WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW?!” Yep. My mind never quits. Everything swirls around and then, something just pushes me over the edge and I lose it…literally lose it.
5. The only thing that calmed me down was… reciting all the things God is. I was an absolute wreck and it’s amazing how moments like this cause you to see what’s really on the inside of you. All these years I’ve been in private school, bible studies, small groups, mentorships, you name it and I never noticed that the Word was stored up for such a time as this. I wrote it all out and stared at my notebook amazed. In moments of struggle, remember all that God is. Nothing takes him by surprise. Nothing causes him worry or stress. He gets us and understands all our weakness and still chooses us. Even with all my trust issues, God still trusts me. Wow. Just beautiful… God is truly amazing.
6. New things. I can’t explain this right now, but when I do, I have lots to talk about.
7. Family and friends. I have the best of both. My family is so encouraging and never looks at me like I’m a crazy person, even though they have every right to. My friends…oh my Lord. I have the sweetest and best friends ever. I’ve made new ones and I’ve never been so thankful for their laughs, nonjudgemental facial expressions, and their funny texts about things I TOTALLY GET! Think about your friends and family and how blessed you are…
8. The future… It’s so bright. I’m freaking out about how cool the future looks right now and the thing is…I haven’t even seen the whole picture yet! Ephesians 3:20. “Now to Him who is able to do EXCEEDINGLY, ABUNDANTLY ABOVE what I could ask, think, dream or imagine…”
OK. I have to get ready now… for the day. It’s weird. I never just lay around. More to come…