//my biggest enemy…//

I think it’s safe to say we all have enemies. I’m not talking the mean people that might be in your life. I’m talking your very own personal demons who haunt and taunt you every shot they get. My biggest enemies used to be Fear, Distrust, and Gluttony. Now, looking back over the last 3 years, those have all been tamed and for the most part, shut up because I just don’t have time for that crap. I mean who really has time to be afraid anyway?! Not me. But, just like every other moment when I conquer one thing, another one decides to take residence, or try to take residence, in my mind. Today, my newest enemy that I’ve wrestled with off and on for years and years decided, “Hey, I haven’t seen Linds lately…Let’s make a stop ON HER WAY TO WORSHIP PRACTICE”…

My off and on enemy is named Comparison. Comparison always pins you up against someone who is usually completely different than you in every way, but there’s something you see in that opposite person that makes you jealous or unsure of yourself. I used to think my sisters were loved more because they were blessed with natural aptitude for school where I was a gifted communicator (keyword for I talked A LOT and studying was hard for me). When Jess would bring home an A it would completely shut me down… my B+ was nothing compared to Jess’ A! And I had to work really hard to even get a B+ in our college prep school. When I got to college, it was the pretty girls with boyfriends… I didn’t have a boyfriend going into ORU and certainly didn’t want to leave ORU without one. ((HAH. Funny how that works…)) I dressed different, changed my hair color, got really edgy with with my make up thinking that would attract a nice guy. All because the girls on my wing were edgy, cool, on the cusp of fashion and had the confidence to be who they were and snag a lucky guy. Then, going to bible school and not having a clue who anyone was… I had to become a really good bible scholar and have really big conversations about Jesus in order to even have friends… compared to the IMT girls, I was a nobody. And then you get to today… I’m a passionate girl. I love people. I love my job. I love my dream and wouldn’t want anyone else’s dream because mine is so unique and so… me. I absolute love what I do. I love my life. And I just had a great afternoon with one of my great friends talking about ministry and gathering information for our sermon series and we started talking about how God is challenging us personally. One of the things for me is confidence. I know that God has called me to some big things, but my biggest problem is merely walking through the open doors God has for me. Taking a step! That shouldn’t be hard, but for me, I withdraw and then keep asking God to open doors. When I got back to work from an afternoon or meetings, I sat at my desk and was instantly bombarded with doubt about different things. I followed what God was leading me to do and then heard nothing. I had a good conversation with my mom and was instantly worried that I hurt her when I know it was a great conversation and no mean things were said. I was worried that leading worship this weekend was going to end up being a joke when this is the very ministry I started in more than 14 years ago. WHAT?! Comparison sucks!

Comparison showed up when I walked into the sanctuary and looked at the stage where I’ve lead worship before and instantly felt intimated because I’m not like everyone else up there. And you know what? That’s ok. I’m not supposed to be like everyone else. I’m just me. But when Comparison shows up, it’s my responsibility to shut those thoughts off and focus on what I know is truth. Truth is: I’m Lindsay. I’m called according to his purpose and he has a plan for me and that means resting in that truth and doing what I know to do. And a lot of that means taking small steps, even the ones I think I can skip to go on to bigger things…

All this to say, kill comparison at the get go. Don’t let those thoughts seep in and take residence in your life.

Comparison is the thief of all joy… 

Don’t let something like comparison steal your joy…

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