//i try waaaaaay to hard//

I find myself leaving my computer open with Safari up and running with numerous tabs open at all times. I do not pretend to hide things from people, so everyone in my office could look at my desk and see what I’m looking at. I usually have 3 or 4 different pages running at once. The “social Linds” page includes that of Facebook, Twitter (because who doesn’t have both of these open at all times), any blogs I follow (Love and Respect, IF: Gathering, Holly Furtick, Jennie Allen, etc) and then my blog. This page.

I feel as though I should be running to this page on a regular basis. I should always have something to tell you. I should always have something exciting to let out of the bag. But for some reason, me and my cognitive behavior just freezes up.

When you grow up in a family of all girls, emotions are always worn of the sleeve. You are impulsive in your responses and actions. You don’t care if your words hurt your sister, you say them because certainly they’re better in than out. You don’t care if your physical reactions hurt. If you don’t like what mom said, you shrugged your shoulders and huffed off. Point being, emotions were the response instead of words.

I guess I’ve come to the point where I realize the depth and brevity words carry and I don’t like using them lightly. I write in a journal on a regular basis and can fill the pages with thoughts, dreams, prayers, whatever and not look back. It’s just for my eyes, so I can say whatever I want. But when you are writing to help or encourage, you are careful. You are choosey. You are the one who thinks and mulls an idea over and over and over until you either write it or give up. I can tell you at this current moment there sit about 10-12 different drafts of posts I’ve thought of but never had the guts to “publish” or put out there. So you make me nervous. I don’t even know who all reads this, but you make me nervous! And its because of this nervousness that I continually come to this “new post” page and then write a little and then walk away half afraid to post.

I guess my thought is, if there’s something that scares you, you probably should just face it and do it afraid. Because if you don’t do it at all, you’ll be 10-12 drafts behind when all the world really needs is you…no matter how raw or nervous you are, the world needs you. Just you. And you’re not by yourself… there are several around you who probably think and feel the same things you do, but they’re waiting for a leader… So, I’m taking my own advice and doing it afraid. I’ll continue to share life with you, as long as you understand I’m terrified every time I come to this page…

 

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One thought on “//i try waaaaaay to hard//

  1. I totally know what you mean! I was terrified to write a blog and have people see what I really think.. but as I have continued to write, it has been more encouraging and more self rewarding than anything! Just thought you could use some encouragement to just keep writing because chances are someone else thinks the same thing you do. (:

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